Communication

 Lately, I've been reading a bit about communication styles.  I saved this - pinning it here for future reference: 

10 Phrases the are actually gaslighting but don't sound like it: 

1. I'm sorry you feel that way.  // Better: I'm sorry I contributed to how you're feeling. 

2. That's not what happened. //   Better: That's not how I remember what happened, but I'm open to hearing your side. 

3. It was just a joke // Better: I meant it lightly but it landed badly.  I'm sorry. 

4. You're overreacting.  // Better: This clearly matters to you.  I want to understand why. 

5. You're too sensitive.  // Better: I didn't realize this would hurt you. 

6. You're reading into it.   // Better: I may have missed something important. 

7. Why are we still talking about this.  // Better: I'm feeling uncomfortable.  Can we take a break and come back to this?

8. If you hadn't done this, I wouldn't have reacted that way.  // Better: I felt triggered but my reaction is my responsibility. 

9. You always twist my words.  // Better: That's not what I meant.  Thank you for telling me how it landed. 

10. I guess I'm just a bad partner, friend, family member, etc.   // Better:  What I did was wrong, I'm sorry. 

Accountability builds safety and trust.  Defensiveness destroys it.  

How we spent the snow day (J, 13)

Journaling a bit here because I know one day it will seem like a distant memory, the same way looking at the toddler pictures does!   J and I hunkered down for a cold, snowy weekend and it was perfect.   We started with a trip to Barnes and Noble.  Saturday included some reading and we made sauce, meatballs and fresh pasta.   On Sunday, we spent more than 2 hours making clay projects with Cat Stevens playing in the background, the snow falling hard, and just being together.   We ended the night with Episode 1 of Game of Thrones.  J loves the series so I'm going to dig in a bit with him.  Nothing fancy.  Just a lovely weekend home together.  

" Hygge is about being cozy, comfortable, safe and surrounded by people we love."  Pia Edberg notes, "Hygge was never meant to be translated—it was meant to be felt"

“Hygge is about an atmosphere and an experience, rather than about things. It is about being with the people we love. A feeling of home. A feeling that we are safe, that we are shielded from the world and allow ourselves to let our guard down.” -  Meik Wiking

What I read: 2025

 A mix of genres but here is some of what I read in 2025: 

Zero to One, Peter Thiel

Caroline, Sarah Miller

Who Really Cares: the surprising truth about compassionate conservatism,  Arthur Brooks

Cherished Belonging, Gregory Boyle

In Praise of Walking, Shane O'Mara

The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt

Building Thinking Classrooms, Peter Liljedahl

Community of Leaders, Vince Molinaro

The Advice Trap, Michael Stainer

All the Way to the River, Elizabeth Gilbert

The Women, Kristen Hannah

The Great Alone, Kristen Hannah

The Seville Communion, Arturo Perez

The Rackateer, John Grisham

Queen Bees and Wannabes, Rosalind Wiseman

*There were likely others and a handful I started but didn't finish, but this is a good summary.  Cheers to even more in 2026.  

Art Show

 Joe was selected to have his pieces presented in the middle school art show.  I love this for so many reasons. First, he just loves art class and art club after school. His art teacher thanked him last night for being a leader in that space.  Second,  He's not a naturally gifted artist, by a text book definition.  In my opinion, this makes his interest and his accomplishment even more cool and interesting!   When I was in school, I had the view that you were "good at art" or you weren't and that was that.  It would never have occurred to me to pursue it because I enjoyed it; regardless of whether I was considered good.  I was proud to see Joe recognized for something he enjoys so much.  I loved his work!  

  

Forty-five!

 Hello, 45!  Here we are.  I began this morning looking at some old posts from birthdays.  My first on this site was when I was 31; so that means this little garden I till, and more often than not these days, neglect, has been going for 14 years.  It truly is like an old friend and looking back; my younger self also seems like a friend - hopeful, innocent, unaware of the incredible blessings and painful moments that would lie ahead. 

Here we are.  I know pain and blessings will continue.  The bumps, bruises, highs and lows are a sign that I am alive.  Never perfect but always trying.  I am so eternally grateful for the wonderful 45 years I have had and can only pray that they continue. 

"So please, just fight for the things that crack light into your life, fight for the things that soften you.  Protect the people you love, leave them better than you found them.  Defend your heart, do whatever it takes to keep it open despite what it has been through.  Forgive, not just others, but yourself, as well.  Slow down - taste, and touch, and feel and care.  Create the things you want to see in this world, stay as curious as possible.  Honor your joy, do not shy away from the good that is trying to reach you - do not convince yourself that you are unworthy of it.  Be strong enough to be gentle.  Be brave enough to break.  Be all that you are.  Be all that you are. - Bianca Sparacino

Mysteries, yes

 Mysteries, yes - Mary Oliver

Truly, we live with mysteries too marvelous to be understood. 

--

How grass can be nourishing in the mouths of lambs. 

How rivers and stones are forever in allegiance with gravity

while we ourselves dream of rising. 

--

How two hands touch and the bonds

will never be broken.

How people come, from delight or the 

scars of damage

to the comfort of a poem. 

--

Let me keep my distance, always, from those

who think they have the answers. 

Let me keep company, always, with those who say

"Look!" and laugh in astonishment, 

and bow their heads. 

(taken in beautiful Acadia a few weeks ago) 

Atomic Habits

Finally crossed this one off the reading to do list.  The book made me think so much about this space.  How it used to be a part of my daily ritual - a stacked habit, as James Clear would say.  I would arrive to the office, fix a cup of coffee and open this page.  No outcome has ever been attached. 

The most effective way to change your habits is to focus not on what you want to achieve, but on who you wish to become. - James Clear

I appreciate this line, and many others, from the book.   And believe that writing has helped me articulate my thoughts, parse out what is important from the noise, and so much more.