Thursday, May 14, 2026

Daragh Fleming

Two Poems by Daragh Fleming that have stopped me in my tracks this week.  They are better listened to than read, so reminder to myself - find the clip online.  

If I ever have boys 

If I ever have boys they’ll be dangerous men

They’ll smile at dogs and children and be a tonic to friends

They’ll send flowers to their mother just because and they’ll be a shoulder for many when the world is too much

My boys will know that vulnerability is strength

They won’t bottle anger, they’ll learn how to express

They won’t let pride be the reason they hide, wearing masks while they’re hurting inside

My boys will be dangerous men

They won’t stay silent even when it’s uncomfortable for them

They’ll learn that their actions are more effective than words but they’ll use their voices to amplify the unheard

They’ll know that love isn’t something to perform

They’ll see beauty in all of its forms

My boys won’t grow learning to emotionally hide

They’ll reshape masculinity into something they like, make it softer to touch

They’ll know that who they are is more than enough

They’ll know that being a man doesn’t mean carrying the burden alone

They’ll learn that an emotional man is a man fully grown

They won’t settle everything with violent swings

They’ll live in truth even when that truth stings

So yeah, if I ever have boys they’ll be dangerous men

but the danger they’ll be won’t be the one society meant

--

If I Ever Have Girls

If I ever have girls, they’ll be feared by weak men.
But to everyone else, they’ll be a consistent friend.
They’ll never lack meaning,
They’ll be gentle and kind,
While breaking every glass ceiling.
They’ll take up space, 
And they’ll like what they like.
They won’t be taught to reduce themselves or hide.
My girls will be feared by weak men.
They’ll demand respect because they deserve it.
They will always know love.
They’ll never feel they have to earn it.
They’ll know their value is inherent
And has nothing to do with their looks.
They’ll be leaders.
They’ll be healers.
Right wrongs, write books.
They’ll be mothers one day if they so choose.
But their value won’t be defined the the use of their wombs.
They’ll be whatever lives in their hearts,
And they’ll know dreams were there to be chased from the start.
My girls will know poetry and song.
They’ll know I will listen when something feels wrong.
They’ll learn that “women are too emotional” is an original lie,
And they’ll not grow up with a father who refuses to cry.
So yeah, my girls will make some weak men shake in their knees.
They won’t be the women that society expects.
They’ll be the women society needs. - Daragh Fleming


I've been playing around with watercolor, just for fun.  


Wednesday, April 1, 2026

Art

Cheerful, inspiring art as seen on this weekend's beautiful trip with two long time girlfriends at the Mayflower Inn. 









Tuesday, March 31, 2026

Communication

 Lately, I've been reading a bit about communication styles.  I saved this - pinning it here for future reference: 


10 Phrases the are actually gaslighting but don't sound like it: 

1. I'm sorry you feel that way.  // Better: I'm sorry I contributed to how you're feeling. 

2. That's not what happened. //   Better: That's not how I remember what happened, but I'm open to hearing your side. 

3. It was just a joke // Better: I meant it lightly but it landed badly.  I'm sorry. 

4. You're overreacting.  // Better: This clearly matters to you.  I want to understand why. 

5. You're too sensitive.  // Better: I didn't realize this would hurt you. 

6. You're reading into it.   // Better: I may have missed something important. 

7. Why are we still talking about this.  // Better: I'm feeling uncomfortable.  Can we take a break and come back to this?

8. If you hadn't done this, I wouldn't have reacted that way.  // Better: I felt triggered but my reaction is my responsibility. 

9. You always twist my words.  // Better: That's not what I meant.  Thank you for telling me how it landed. 

10. I guess I'm just a bad partner, friend, family member, etc.   // Better:  What I did was wrong, I'm sorry. 

Accountability builds safety and trust.  Defensiveness destroys it.  

Monday, January 26, 2026

How we spent the snow day (J, 13)


Journaling a bit here because I know one day it will seem like a distant memory, the same way looking at the toddler pictures does!   J and I hunkered down for a cold, snowy weekend and it was perfect.   We started with a trip to Barnes and Noble.  Saturday included some reading and we made sauce, meatballs and fresh pasta.   On Sunday, we spent more than 2 hours making clay projects with Cat Stevens playing in the background, the snow falling hard, and just being together.   We ended the night with Episode 1 of Game of Thrones.  J loves the series so I'm going to dig in a bit with him.  Nothing fancy.  Just a lovely weekend home together.  


" Hygge is about being cozy, comfortable, safe and surrounded by people we love."  Pia Edberg notes, "Hygge was never meant to be translated—it was meant to be felt"

“Hygge is about an atmosphere and an experience, rather than about things. It is about being with the people we love. A feeling of home. A feeling that we are safe, that we are shielded from the world and allow ourselves to let our guard down.” -  Meik Wiking


Saturday, January 17, 2026

What I read: 2025

 A mix of genres but here is some of what I read in 2025: 

Zero to One, Peter Thiel

Caroline, Sarah Miller

Who Really Cares: the surprising truth about compassionate conservatism,  Arthur Brooks

Cherished Belonging, Gregory Boyle

In Praise of Walking, Shane O'Mara

The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt

Building Thinking Classrooms, Peter Liljedahl

Community of Leaders, Vince Molinaro

The Advice Trap, Michael Stainer

All the Way to the River, Elizabeth Gilbert

The Women, Kristen Hannah

The Great Alone, Kristen Hannah

The Seville Communion, Arturo Perez

The Rackateer, John Grisham

Queen Bees and Wannabes, Rosalind Wiseman

*There were likely others and a handful I started but didn't finish, but this is a good summary.  Cheers to even more in 2026.  



Friday, January 16, 2026

Art Show

 Joe was selected to have his pieces presented in the middle school art show.  I love this for so many reasons. First, he just loves art class and art club after school. His art teacher thanked him last night for being a leader in that space.  Second,  He's not a naturally gifted artist, by a text book definition.  In my opinion, this makes his interest and his accomplishment even more cool and interesting!   When I was in school, I had the view that you were "good at art" or you weren't and that was that.  It would never have occurred to me to pursue it because I enjoyed it; regardless of whether I was considered good.  I was proud to see Joe recognized for something he enjoys so much.  I loved his work!  


  









Tuesday, January 13, 2026

Forty-five!

 Hello, 45!  Here we are.  I began this morning looking at some old posts from birthdays.  My first on this site was when I was 31; so that means this little garden I till, and more often than not these days, neglect, has been going for 14 years.  It truly is like an old friend and looking back; my younger self also seems like a friend - hopeful, innocent, unaware of the incredible blessings and painful moments that would lie ahead. 

Here we are.  I know pain and blessings will continue.  The bumps, bruises, highs and lows are a sign that I am alive.  Never perfect but always trying.  I am so eternally grateful for the wonderful 45 years I have had and can only pray that they continue. 

"So please, just fight for the things that crack light into your life, fight for the things that soften you.  Protect the people you love, leave them better than you found them.  Defend your heart, do whatever it takes to keep it open despite what it has been through.  Forgive, not just others, but yourself, as well.  Slow down - taste, and touch, and feel and care.  Create the things you want to see in this world, stay as curious as possible.  Honor your joy, do not shy away from the good that is trying to reach you - do not convince yourself that you are unworthy of it.  Be strong enough to be gentle.  Be brave enough to break.  Be all that you are.  Be all that you are. - Bianca Sparacino