Lately, I've been reading a bit about communication styles. I saved this - pinning it here for future reference:
10 Phrases the are actually gaslighting but don't sound like it:
1. I'm sorry you feel that way. // Better: I'm sorry I contributed to how you're feeling.
2. That's not what happened. // Better: That's not how I remember what happened, but I'm open to hearing your side.
3. It was just a joke // Better: I meant it lightly but it landed badly. I'm sorry.
4. You're overreacting. // Better: This clearly matters to you. I want to understand why.
5. You're too sensitive. // Better: I didn't realize this would hurt you.
6. You're reading into it. // Better: I may have missed something important.
7. Why are we still talking about this. // Better: I'm feeling uncomfortable. Can we take a break and come back to this?
8. If you hadn't done this, I wouldn't have reacted that way. // Better: I felt triggered but my reaction is my responsibility.
9. You always twist my words. // Better: That's not what I meant. Thank you for telling me how it landed.
10. I guess I'm just a bad partner, friend, family member, etc. // Better: What I did was wrong, I'm sorry.
Accountability builds safety and trust. Defensiveness destroys it.
