Sunny days

There are grey days.  Inevitable.  Always.  They are as true as the sun rising and the tides changing.  But there are sunny days, too.   Days in which life is full of possibility and promise - where what you believe seems to be validated by people who's opinion matter to you.   Hope - always the antagonist of sadness.

James Altucher says if you try to get 1% better each day at your health, your relationships, your creativity and at turning despair into gratitude, then that 1% compounds into something pretty amazing.  I will never have all the answers but I can always improve.

Walking home from lunch in Davis.  A perfect early fall day, a proud work moment and a weekend on its way.  All is good.

Ray Dalio

Listened to his great interview with Tim Ferriss this week.   Lots of takeaways from this smart investor.

"Truth - more precisely, an accurate understanding of reality - is the essential foundation for producing good outcomes.”

“Above all else, I want you to think for yourself, to decide 1) what you want, 2) what is true and 3) what to do about it”

“View painful problems as potential improvements that are screaming at you. Though it won’t feel that way at first, each and every problem you encounter is an opportunity; for that reason, it is essential that you bring them to the surface. Most people don’t like to do this, especially if it exposes their own weaknesses or the weaknesses of someone they care about, but successful people know they have to. b. Don’t avoid confronting problems because they are rooted in harsh realities that are unpleasant to look at. Thinking about problems that are difficult to solve may make you anxious, but not thinking about them (and hence not dealing with them) should make you more anxious still. When a problem stems from your own lack of talent or skill, most people feel shame. Get over it. I cannot emphasize this enough: Acknowledging your weaknesses is not the same as surrendering to them. It’s the first step toward overcoming them. The pains you are feeling are “growing pains".

“Imagine that in order to have a great life you have to cross a dangerous jungle. You can stay safe where you are and have an ordinary life, or you can risk crossing the jungle to have a terrific life. How would you approach that choice? Take a moment to think about it because it is the sort of choice that, in one form or another, we all have to make.”

And this one, especially this one.    

“I also feared boredom and mediocrity much more than I feared failure. For me, great is better than terrible, and terrible is better than mediocre, because terrible at least gives life flavor. The high school yearbook quote my friends chose for me was from Thoreau: “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”   

Up

There's always another level up.
There's always another ascension.
More grace, more light, more generosity, more compassion.
More to shed.  More to grow. - Elizabeth Gilbert

Better

One of my favorite bloggers, Karen at Chookooonks, has lost everything (both cars were totaled, their home completely destroyed due to water, nearly all of their material possessions gone) as result of Hurricane Irma.   And yet she continues to write with such grace and steadiness.

I have so much admiration for people who can remain calm in the face of chaos.  It is an area that I will improve, must improve....  Inevitably, life will test us all in ways we can't imagine and in our response and reaction to those tests, we realize who we are.  

She concludes her post with a line from Former President Obama (how I miss him!) and says, "Ever forward.  And while it doesn't feel accurate to say that things are "good," things are definitely better.  And as Obama says, better is good.  In some cases, really good.

True North

The compass rose is nothing but a star with an infinite number of rays pointing in all directions.
It is the one true and perfect symbol of the universe.
And it is the one most accurate symbol of you.
Spread your arms in an embrace, throw your head back, and prepare to receive and send coordinates of being. For, at last you know—you are the navigator, the captain, and the ship. - Vera Nazarian

Parenting with a thought from Glennon

Each of us must carefully decide what our job description as a parent will be.  Mine is to raise J into a courageous young man who can love and is loved.  He is confident and secure.  He has passions worth chasing and work ethic that will carry him through the storms.  He is curious and kind.  Respects his parents for the humans that they are - imperfect but always well-intentioned.  I hope he sets healthy boundaries with how the world treats him and how he treats the world.  I hope he travels and sees things very different than what he's ever known.   The job of a parent is complex.  I am a student and not a day passes that I don't wonder how I can do it better.

A thought from Glennon: 
I always feared that my babies’ pain was my failure.
But if learning to step into life’s struggle is my warrior journey, isn’t it theirs, too?
More than anything, I want my kids to grow to be a brave, kind, wise, resilient humans.
...

So what is it in a human life that creates bravery, kindness, wisdom, and resilience?
What if it’s pain? What if it’s the struggle?

The bravest people I know are those who’ve walked through the fire and come out on the other side. They are those who’ve overcome again and again - not those who’ve had nothing to overcome. They are the ones who no longer avoid the fires of life - because they have learned that they are fireproof.
What if we are trying to protect our kids from the one thing that will allow them to become the women and men we dream they’ll be?

Maybe our job as parents is not to protect our kids from pain, but to hold their hands and walk into their pain with them.

If we want to invite our children to be Love Warriors, we need to look at them and say: “I see your pain- it’s big and it’s real. But I see your courage, too - and it’s bigger and it’s more real. That fire won’t burn you up, baby, You’re fireproof."

Last night at bedtime you read to me (you know many of your books by heart).  Growing, growing, everyday!  

Belonging

In college, I filled most of my electives with sociology courses.  As an adult, I never get tired of Brene Brown and other sociologists.  I'm almost always reading something - currently Bowling Alone - previously One and Only, which blends psychology with human social tendencies.

A primary theory is Social Bond Theory.  Originated by a criminologist, Hirschi argued that social bonding in its four stages, attachment, commitment, involvement and belief, minimize the likelihood of deviant behavior.   Most research agrees that "belonging" is a primary human need.

In 2014, we moved to the suburbs.  A nice place with the promise of a wonderful childhood for J, easy living and space galore.  I was surprised to realize that it was not a fit for me.  I felt extremely isolated on my acre of land, simultaneously claustrophobic and alone at the end of my cul de sac, and uninterested in the child-centric lives most of my neighbors appeared to be living.   I began to daydream of moving to the city when J finished high school.  He was three.

Life didn't have to be this way.  Just because I purchased the home that we thought would make us happy, didn't mean I was obligated to it for the next 15 years.  A strong real estate market meant selling the house was fantastically doable.  In April 2017, I sold the house and moved to Cambridge.  The need for an intentional life was stronger than the fear that I might be wrong.

And here we are.  In a lovely community.  J has made, and continues to make, so many friends in the building.  I am reconfirmed of my decision every time a little neighbor pokes her head at our window and asks if Joe can play hide and seek before it's time to go to bed.  I am energized when I open the window and see people walking, jogging, and riding their bikes on the bike path behind our place.

This weekend I coordinated a BBQ for the residents of our building.  It was a fantastic turnout! Neighbors from the UK, France, Italy, Switzerland, China, and all over the US joined to break bread and watch the kids run around.  The kids played for hours just like I had dreamed, but never saw, in my previous suburban neighborhood.  For a moment, there was only clarity.  This was where I belonged.

My friend, NW

In 2011, I took my first trip to the Pacific Northwest.   The water, the mountains, the evergreens, the coffee and the people really spoke to me.  I felt relaxed and happy.  It was a fantastic trip with my old college roommate.

Last week I returned for 4 days with my childhood friends.   We focused the trip on Oregon - visiting wine country, the coast, Portland and Hood River.  We went white water rafting and drank plenty of good wine.  It was as great as the first time I visited.

Both trips made clear the great friendships I have in my life.  Similar to sisters, we have known each other for a long time.  We have also celebrated marriages, babies, new homes and promotions. We have gone through divorces, illness, difficult families, job changes and relocations together.    We move through life - its highs and lows - together. True friendship is unconditional and loyal. Supportive and energizing.   It gives and it takes, depending on the season or the need.

Cheers to my girls and to the Northwest, friends forever.

First Day

Off you go to your first day of Pre-K.   You're in a new school (St. Joseph's) and you were both nervous and excited.  Mama and Daddy brought you in, you had a new backpack, your first lunch from home and you found some friends and started playing cars right away.   You told us - bye mama, bye daddy.... and off you went.

Our happy boy!   You make us so proud - I don't have a doubt in the world that you'll do great!