What matters

One of the most significant good fortunes of my divorce has been the release of fear.  A divorce throws you off the "expected" life path and with that, I found tremendous freedom.  In a sense, I have acknowledged that my best life is lived somewhat off-center and the things that matter most to me don't require a suburban lifestyle, 2.5 children or an SUV. 

Divorce throws you off the course, whether you want to be thrown or not.  It's up to us to decide what course we want to re-join.  In a sense, it's a wonderful chance to "do-over" what may not have been working or what took years, experience and maturity to understand. 

With that, some things I've discovered post-divorce: lectures, hiking, glamping, theater, food and wine classes, bike riding, walks, city life, bookstores, and volunteering.   

Reposting this from May, 2015, including the peonies!   "Ask yourself what is really important and then have the wisdom and courage to build your life around your answer."

And adding something new: 

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding" - Khalil Gibran

Tiny Beautiful Things

A few years ago I read the great book, Tiny Beautiful Things.  I'm certain I've written more than a few posts about it and the follow-up to it, the Podcast Dear Sugar.   Fortunately, some geniuses adapted the book to a screenplay and I had the good fortune of seeing it this weekend.  The acting was tear-jerkingly beautiful and the night was fantastic.   I was reminded of the genius of Cheryl Strayed's book and have already revisited several of the columns with a slightly different life vantage point. 

It's this one I want to choose today - like everything else she writes it's just so good. 

If you had to give one piece of advice to people in their twenties, what would it be?

To go to a bookstore and buy ten books of poetry and read them each five times.

Why?

Because the truth is inside.

Anything else?

To be about ten times more magnanimous than you believe yourself capable of being. Your life will be a hundred times better for it. This is good advice for anyone at any age, but particularly for those in their twenties.

Why?

Because in your twenties you’re becoming who you’re going to be and so you might as well not be an asshole. Also, because it’s harder to be magnanimous when you’re in your twenties, I think, and so that’s why I’d like to remind you of it. You’re generally less humble in that decade than you’ll ever be and this lack of humility is oddly mixed with insecurity and uncertainty and fear. You will learn a lot from yourself if you stretch in the direction of goodness, of bigness, of kindness, of forgiveness, of emotional bravery.

Holding Space

I am always practicing this.  It's so hard but so worthy....

“What does it mean to hold space for another person? It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgment and control.”   Heather Plett

Duality

This one came across my inbox:

"Everyone must have two pockets, so that he can reach into the one or the other, according to his needs. In his right pocket are to be the words: 'For my sake was the world created,' and in his left: 'I am nothing but dust and ashes.'" 

Holding on to opposing ideas and maintaining our cool, is a fundamental part of intellectual capacity and maturity.  Security :: Newness    Adventure::stability    Ambition::relaxation

As I reflect on what is making me happy these days, I believe it is the balance of my current life.  Blessed with good health for me and my loved ones, I am enjoying a job that has equal parts challenge and stimulation without being all consuming.  I love being a mother to my wonderful J and also enjoy my child-free time.  I have space to enjoy my free time and don't have too much of it.   Life is good.