A primary theory is Social Bond Theory. Originated by a criminologist, Hirschi argued that social bonding in its four stages, attachment, commitment, involvement and belief, minimize the likelihood of deviant behavior. Most research agrees that "belonging" is a primary human need.
In 2014, we moved to the suburbs. A nice place with the promise of a wonderful childhood for J, easy living and space galore. I was surprised to realize that it was not a fit for me. I felt extremely isolated on my acre of land, simultaneously claustrophobic and alone at the end of my cul de sac, and uninterested in the child-centric lives most of my neighbors appeared to be living. I began to daydream of moving to the city when J finished high school. He was three.
Life didn't have to be this way. Just because I purchased the home that we thought would make us happy, didn't mean I was obligated to it for the next 15 years. A strong real estate market meant selling the house was fantastically doable. In April 2017, I sold the house and moved to Cambridge. The need for an intentional life was stronger than the fear that I might be wrong.
And here we are. In a lovely community. J has made, and continues to make, so many friends in the building. I am reconfirmed of my decision every time a little neighbor pokes her head at our window and asks if Joe can play hide and seek before it's time to go to bed. I am energized when I open the window and see people walking, jogging, and riding their bikes on the bike path behind our place.
This weekend I coordinated a BBQ for the residents of our building. It was a fantastic turnout! Neighbors from the UK, France, Italy, Switzerland, China, and all over the US joined to break bread and watch the kids run around. The kids played for hours just like I had dreamed, but never saw, in my previous suburban neighborhood. For a moment, there was only clarity. This was where I belonged.
