Finding your why

One of the reasons I've been on this blog less is because I've become quite involved in my son's small Catholic school, St. Joseph School in Medford.  I was raised in a family of Irish and Italian Catholics, attending weekly mass and holy days, but didn't attend Catholic school until college.  However, when I divorced and found myself craving a city life, but had reservations about the  urban school district, we enrolled J in St. Joseph School, the same school his beloved Papa had attended as a boy.

We had a few things on our side as we started out: 1) how exciting, you get to go to a school with YOUR name!  (at the time, J asked if his best buddy from daycare would be attending St. Max's...), 2) did you know these are the same classrooms and hallways that Papa went to... for the first year, J asked constantly to walk to school "just like Papa used to" 3) it was back in my parent's hometown which meant they felt comfortable with the change.  They help me do pickups and like to attend his events, so their familiarity with the neighborhood made for an easy transition.

I really didn't know much more than that.  Fast forward, and J is going on his 3rd year at St. Joe's.  He feels completely at home and is thriving in the small school.  The vibe is loving, the teachers are warm and the families are very nice.  We're making friends, we're part of a community and my son is safe and happy.

As I understand more about the challenges the Catholic schools are facing, I've become more involved.  For our small parish school, I've joined some other capable moms to get the Parents Club back and running.  We upgraded some of our school events which had become tired and needed some TLC and we are working on building a stronger community which can strengthen the future of our school. 

It's a challenge and a problem I'm not sure we can solve. However, I am committed to do my small part to put in the energy, time and resources to make it the best it can be.   Some have asked why I'm doing this.  I have been thinking about the answer to that question...  I suppose this is the best I can give right now:  I'm doing this because I believe Catholic schools matter.  I believe that they teach virtues of kindness, discipline and faith that are being lost today.  I believe that as a parent I have less time than my parent's had to instill those values and therefore appreciate the extra help of the Catholic school to support my son's foundation.  Catholic schools work.  The evidence is that they consistently outperform their neighboring city schools and for more than 100 years, they have been safe havens for immigrants and marginalized members of society.  Those members, when loved, nurtured and cared for by a Catholic educational institution, became great leaders in business, government and many industries.  I believe in my identity as a Catholic; I feel it is a community of warmth and generosity and like minded individuals.  At perhaps the time of greatest need in my life, I needed a safe home for myself and my son.  I found it in a Catholic school.   I am working to keep those doors open so others may, too.

Tis the season

From Halloween - New Years has become my busiest time.  This year I chaired J's school's Halloween Party which was a fun, but time consuming endeavor, and followed by Halloween, J's birthday, Thanksgiving with visitors and parties, and Christmas and all the festivities that surround it.

Every year teaches us something if we can soften.  My thoughts and ruminations on this blog over the years have been circling it.  As I get older, it gets slightly more clear.  The growth isn't linear, and the progress is far from perfection.  I most certainly have short tempered moments and days, days where I wonder what or why I'm doing it but those days get fewer and farther apart.  One seasons seems to be winding down and with the coming of my 40's it seems I'm welcoming a new season of greater purpose and more clarity. 

I'm better at boundaries.  I'm better at expectations.  I'm better at letting people in who should be there.  Those steps, small as they may seem, have been wonderful tools in a path towards peace. 

"It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future.  It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace."      - Agnes M. Pharo

Generosity

I don’t know if generosity is the cure for everything, but it seems to be the cure for a lot of things. I think of generosity as a spirit of being — a general philosophy of existence — more than a reflection of how much you have to give, from a material sense. I know some very generous rich people, and I know some very generous poor people. And I know people, rich and poor, who cannot seem to open their hands or their hearts toward others. The most generous people I know operate within a world of abundance — certain that they have something extra of themselves to share (whether it’s love, money, time, attention, or faith.) I also believe that the highest grade of generosity must include the self. (Showing Mercy toward yourself for your own broken humanity is perhaps the most intimate act of generosity of all. The people I know who are the most easeful in their giving seem to have done the most healing work on themselves, too.) - Elizabeth Gilbert


 

What I read: A Gentleman in Moscow

Last month, I finished Amor Towles, "A Gentleman in Moscow".   It was one of the most challenging books I've read, with very dense language and a slow moving story line, but a book that gave me a sense of accomplishment upon finishing it.

Set in early 20th century Russia, we see the world through an aging man's eye.   He examines communism, friendship, love, suffering, integrity and life.  The descriptions are poetic and the conclusions so beautiful they can nearly make you weep.

"He had said that our lives are steered by uncertainties, many of which are disruptive or even daunting; but that if we persevere and remain generous of heart, we may be granted a moment of lucidity—a moment in which all that has happened to us suddenly comes into focus as a necessary course of events, even as we find ourselves on the threshold of the life we had been meant to lead all along.” 

"In the end, a parent's responsibility could not be more simple: To bring a child safely into adulthood so that she could have a chance to experience a life of purpose and, God willing, contentment."

"I have countless reasons to be proud of you… But the moment I felt that pride was not when you…brought home news of your victory. It was earlier in the evening when I watched you heading out the hotel’s doors on your way to the hall. For what matters in life is not whether we receive a round of applause; what matters is whether we have the courage to venture forth despite the uncertainty of acclaim."

And the line that truly took my breath away: 

“Looking back, it seems to me there are people who play an essential role at every turn. And I don’t just mean the Napoleons who influence the course of history; I mean men and women who routinely appear at critical junctures in the progress of art, or commerce, or the evolution of ideas, as if life itself has summoned them once again to help fulfill its purpose. Well since that day I was born, Sofia, there was only one time when life needed me to be in a particular place at a particular time, and that was when your Mother brought you to the lobby of the Metropol. And I would not accept the Tsarship of all the Russians in exchange for being in this hotel at that hour.”

What matters

One of the most significant good fortunes of my divorce has been the release of fear.  A divorce throws you off the "expected" life path and with that, I found tremendous freedom.  In a sense, I have acknowledged that my best life is lived somewhat off-center and the things that matter most to me don't require a suburban lifestyle, 2.5 children or an SUV. 

Divorce throws you off the course, whether you want to be thrown or not.  It's up to us to decide what course we want to re-join.  In a sense, it's a wonderful chance to "do-over" what may not have been working or what took years, experience and maturity to understand. 

With that, some things I've discovered post-divorce: lectures, hiking, glamping, theater, food and wine classes, bike riding, walks, city life, bookstores, and volunteering.   

Reposting this from May, 2015, including the peonies!   "Ask yourself what is really important and then have the wisdom and courage to build your life around your answer."

And adding something new: 

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding" - Khalil Gibran

Tiny Beautiful Things

A few years ago I read the great book, Tiny Beautiful Things.  I'm certain I've written more than a few posts about it and the follow-up to it, the Podcast Dear Sugar.   Fortunately, some geniuses adapted the book to a screenplay and I had the good fortune of seeing it this weekend.  The acting was tear-jerkingly beautiful and the night was fantastic.   I was reminded of the genius of Cheryl Strayed's book and have already revisited several of the columns with a slightly different life vantage point. 

It's this one I want to choose today - like everything else she writes it's just so good. 

If you had to give one piece of advice to people in their twenties, what would it be?

To go to a bookstore and buy ten books of poetry and read them each five times.

Why?

Because the truth is inside.

Anything else?

To be about ten times more magnanimous than you believe yourself capable of being. Your life will be a hundred times better for it. This is good advice for anyone at any age, but particularly for those in their twenties.

Why?

Because in your twenties you’re becoming who you’re going to be and so you might as well not be an asshole. Also, because it’s harder to be magnanimous when you’re in your twenties, I think, and so that’s why I’d like to remind you of it. You’re generally less humble in that decade than you’ll ever be and this lack of humility is oddly mixed with insecurity and uncertainty and fear. You will learn a lot from yourself if you stretch in the direction of goodness, of bigness, of kindness, of forgiveness, of emotional bravery.

Holding Space

I am always practicing this.  It's so hard but so worthy....

“What does it mean to hold space for another person? It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgment and control.”   Heather Plett

Duality

This one came across my inbox:

"Everyone must have two pockets, so that he can reach into the one or the other, according to his needs. In his right pocket are to be the words: 'For my sake was the world created,' and in his left: 'I am nothing but dust and ashes.'" 

Holding on to opposing ideas and maintaining our cool, is a fundamental part of intellectual capacity and maturity.  Security :: Newness    Adventure::stability    Ambition::relaxation

As I reflect on what is making me happy these days, I believe it is the balance of my current life.  Blessed with good health for me and my loved ones, I am enjoying a job that has equal parts challenge and stimulation without being all consuming.  I love being a mother to my wonderful J and also enjoy my child-free time.  I have space to enjoy my free time and don't have too much of it.   Life is good. 

Puzzling

On our trip to Colorado, I finally got around to buying and completing a jigsaw puzzle.  Something about summer time makes "puzzling" feel so right.  I took a few hours of one day to work on it and then the adults leisurely chipped away at it while we enjoyed Breckenridge.  No phones, easy conversation, just the right concentration - totally satisfying!!! 

Note to self: do more.

Today

Today I'm missing my dad.   He would have been excited to see me last night and here the stories from my trip Colorado!    But I received a thank you note from a cousin with a nice reminder of how much I remind her of him ;)   A huge compliment!! 

So, on this day - I sit with a bit of sadness, I smile at how lucky I was, and I try to remember that he is with me.   By being the things we loved most about those that are gone, we honor their legacy.

Dad:  may I have your enthusiasm, your generosity, your ability to listen to my son's stories with the same eagerness, curiosity and genuine interest.  May the people around me have no doubt of my love.  I never doubted your love and recognize now what an eternal gift that was.  Missing you... 

Colorado

Returning from a fantastic week away in Colorado.   J, S and I visited my dear college roommate and her family.  We spent time in Breckenridge for a few days and her Denver neighborhood for a few days.   The boys played great: they hiked, they did Alpine Slides and Mountain rollercoasters, we found a restaurant with a basement arcade and overall just enjoyed the fresh air and time together.  The adults did virtually the same.  A no-rush pace with plenty of time for wine, beer, good food, fresh air and time together.

Colorado was stunningly beautiful and the weather was nearly perfect.  It was a perfect conclusion to a joy filled summer.   Cheers to a season of connection, travel, adventure and goodness. 

Career Advice via Duck Tales

The other day J told me he wanted to be rich.  With a little bit of probing, I realized the origins of his statement was an episode of Duck Tales featuring Huey, Dewey and Louie's billionaire uncle....   reminding me that many times a kid's question or comment is not quite as complicated as adults may mistakenly conclude. 

I am conscious of the role money plays in my job as a parent.  I work full time in a job that I enjoy and although there are days that I'm tired, I try not to complain about work and I'm aware that it is the subtle vibrations which influence kids the most.  Work is not a chore nor something I wish I could "get out of" - work is a part of who I am and a part of our life, the same way school and camp is a non-negotiable part of J's life.  By taking the "choice" out of it, I hope I am framing work, school, camp - not as a burden - but as a fulfilling though at times stressful part of life. 

I think a lot about "career advice" I might give my son as he grows.  Sure, he's 6 now so the message is pretty simple - try your best, be kind to others - but as he grows it will be more complicated.  Do I encourage him to find and follow his passion?  I think that works but I've also seen it fail.  A hobby is sometimes better left as a hobby and allow your job to sustain your family.   Follow the money.  Like following your passion, I've seen that work and I've also seen it fail.  For me, working on goals that gave me no personal satisfaction and only generous paychecks felt empty and dull. 

A few mornings later, J said "Uncle Scrooge said you shouldn't try to be rich.  You should find a problem that people have and try to solve it for them.   If you do that, you'll have more than enough."   As someone who thinks a lot about careers and personal development, it was one of the best bits of advice I'd heard and totally satisfied how I wanted to think about the topic with my 6 year old.    Thanks Duck Tales!

And Jerry Colonna from a recent interview OnBeing:
There are times in which those who have power need to speak with authority. But too often, we mistake and conflate that action for the day-to-day “directing” of people’s lives. And I think that leadership is much more subtle, much harder, and ultimately, more life-giving, more fulfilling. And that is, the leader’s role isn’t to be the authoritative figure telling everybody what to do and how to do it, but to be the model for creating a container in which their best possible work can get done and to perhaps remove obstacles from the paths that are in front of their colleagues so that they can then grow into their best possible selves. That feels very strong, very firm, and not particularly authoritarian.

Lillian

My Nana, Lillian Cassidy, was a sweet and modest lady.  Born to Irish immigrants, Annie and Michael Geagan, she was one of 7 children (6 girls and a boy) in Charlestown, MA.  Their family struggled with money through the great depression and her father had a violent temper and a drinking problem which made it difficult to find steady work.   She told the story several times of walking with her mother and one of her sisters to their landlords house in Boston's North End.  Their landlord, an Italian woman with Polio, could not get downstairs in her apartment because of her disease and would send down her niece to collect.  If the Geagan's did not have the rent that month or asked for an extension, the woman would forgive them.  She knew how hard life was for them.   When she died, she told her niece who inherited the property to never evict the Geagan family.  My grandmother and her sisters never forgot this woman's generosity.  Without it, the future of their family would have been severely jeopardized.  Although they never had much money, they repayed this woman with the best currency they had, their utmost faith.  After she died, my grandmother and her sisters attended more than 50 memorial masses to pray for their Italian landlord.  A remarkable story and testament of their loyalty and faith. 

My grandmother died peacefully at age 90.  She still lived at home. She had outlived one of her own children and lived long enough to know her seven grandchildren and three great grandchildren.  She was a woman who delighted in the simple pleasures of life - sitting on the porch on a nice evening, a cup of tea with her sisters, a game of bingo.  She was always so grateful for a visit and always had a smile for us.  Never one of too many words, she was a woman of devout faith.  Most of her explanations for things circled back to her Catholic roots - God has a plan, We will have our reward in Heaven etc.

She belonged to St. Joseph Parish  for most of her life, sending her 4 kids to the parish school.  It is the same one J attends now.  Sometimes I feel her warm smile when we sit in those pews. 

Last week my dear childhood friend asked me to be her daughter's Godmother.  I am touched and honored that my friend considered me for this special privilege.  The baby's name is Lillian ~




(photo of Cork Ireland, birthplace of my Geagan great grandparents)

Glamping and Gratitude

This weekend we took J on his first glamping trip to Huttopia in NH's white mountains.  It was near perfection.  The weather was gorgeous - mid-80's with little humidity made the sun warm and the shade just right for reading and naps. My little fish swam in the pool and the lake for hours each day, ran around the woods, made new friends, played cards and Guess Who, roasted marshmallows, lit sparklers and enjoyed camp fire stories. 

A few times during the trip he exclaimed, "this is awesome, I never want to forget this!"  and "One day, I'm going to make a time machine and come back to right now!!!"  As a mother, this made my heart burst.  Of course, nothing makes us happier than knowing our children are happy and that is why I try to make sure J has a grateful spirit.  As Brene Brown says, there is no joy without gratitude.  It's a practice but a fundamental part of our lives.  I'm conscious to verbalize moments of gratitude big and small with Joe and at night before bed we both say "our thank you's" - part of our prayers to thank God for the great life we've been blessed to have. 

And because love isn't only saying I Love You but action, consistent and reliable, I even swam in the icy cold pool!  My little angel.  I am so very grateful for YOU. 

What I'm Reading: Inheritance

This book is a bit special to me because seeing Dani at a book reading when this was released was a moment of happiness and a night I will always remember.  To have a partner who shares your interests and is happy and willing to go to the basement of a Brookline bookstore on a rainy night is a joy I longed for and have since received.

I also remember telling my dad about the book reading.  He loved to read and loved to watch authors on Charlie Rose.  When I told him about this he was so proud - I can see his lit up smile, his thinking, "that's my girl!"   He was so proud of me and amused by my Cambridge life and the way I was filling my free time.  Our interests so very much aligned! 

And how fitting that the book closes with a passage about her deceased father.  She's missing him - like we all do - and yet, her devout faith, in her case Judaism, in mine, Catholicism, grounds her.  She reflects, "there has rarely been a time during which I have not felt his presence and his absence.  I silently call to him, hineni, a Hebrew word.  Here I am."

Aside from the relationship with her father, Inheritance prompts reflection on themes of identity, purpose and ethics.  What is family and how is it defined.   Personally, I'm a disciple of Elizabeth Lessor on this question: "the problem with family is that we draw our circle too small."   Those I love are my family, some share my genes and some share pieces of my heart. 

What I'm Reading: Fleishman is in Trouble

Finished this book recently and felt compelled to write something about it.  Although the writing was fast moving with some good observations about relationships, life, marriage etc.  I ultimately felt utterly saddened by the narrative and it's characters and even more so, the book is getting rave reviews which makes me curious about the ways in which people are finding this story relevant. 

Ultimately, the marriage of two self-absorbed professionals unravels and the third character faces her own crisis and comes to the conclusion that life is a slog and we should surrender to our children and quite pining for the good old days of our twenties. 

Perhaps it hit home as I think it reinforces and oversimplifies the stereo-type of divorcees (particularly women) as self-centered, immature reckless dreamers.  The ex-husband is also painful.  I think the author tries to add a comedy through his experiences with dating apps but there is so little regard for the humans on the other side of these apps and their dignity that I just didn't think it was funny. I was hoping he may mature but I didn't see any growth or shift in his character at all. 

I found my favorite review of the book on Goodreads and in summary, the reader says:  Brodesser-Akner's characters all come from a narrow slice of wealthy, social-climbing NY/NJ life; these men/women/marriage/divorce problems are very much Upper West Side men/women/marriage/divorce problems. And everyone here seems . . . stuck. Characters find themselves in time & money crunches, resentful of spouses & friends & co-workers, but those crunches are the product of choices—choices that are neither inevitable nor permanent. It's irritating that none of the characters seems to recognize that there are alternative ways of living, communicating, parenting.

I would add that I think their self-obsession was sad and irritating.  I suppose that if you have a singular purpose in life: to maximize your satisfaction, aging is depressing.   On the other hand, my life has been more full with age - my relationships are more honest and connected, loving my son brings me incredible joy, and I travel and have dreams.  Thankfully, it seems I'm not in trouble. 

Asking

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Sure, that expression sounds a little corny but it's also the absolute truth.  So many things in life need to be asked for or done with intention.  My younger self felt self-conscious "I hate asking for things" meanwhile I was frustrated and subtly resentful of things that were happening for people around me.

We have three summer interns on the team this year.  One of them just asked if he could continue working in a part time capacity this fall.   The team has been happy with his contribution (and the other two, as well) but he was the only one who asked and sure, enough - we were able to secure a part time position for him.   Had he not asked, we would not have sought it out.   A second example is a fundraiser I'm chairing for my son's school.   A few years ago my office was located next to a prominent Boston hotel and I became friendly with the General Manager's assistant, seeing her most nights in the gym and occasionally working with her for events.  The hotel was always generous in gifting overnight stays to various fundraiser's my team was involved in...   Although I hadn't talked to my friend in a few years, I sent her a note and asked if they might consider helping J's school.  Sure enough we exchanged a few pleasant emails and she secured a one night stay donation for me!   Had I not asked, it wouldn't have happened!

Moral of the story, ask for what you want and you just may get it.   Sit back quietly and hope it lands at your feet and it's almost guaranteed not to.  Better late than never to learn this lesson! 

Banff Review - in summary

As you can see, our Banff adventure was a wonderful and fairly indulgent introduction to the Canadian Rockies.  I think I first posted a picture of Lake Moraine as a travel goal back in 2011.  Anytime I saw a photo of it or thought about "where would I want to go..." it was there.  Having such high expectations can be slightly unnerving in the days leading up to the trip, but I can genuinely say the trip exceeded my high expectations!!  The beauty, the company, the food, the hospitality, the pace - each and every thing went just so well.     As any good trip will do, it left me thinking about where to next, and reminded me of this enormous world we have the privilege to discover.   Cheers to more dreams coming true ~~*

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”   - Elizabeth Gilbert

Banff Review - Activities

Initially, I was unsure if 7 days was the right amount of time for the trip to Lake Louise.  Would we have enough to do?  Temperatures in the Rockies aren't warm and as such there aren't outdoor pools to lounge at in case we had a day or two to fill...  however, there was more than enough to do and in fact there were a few of our lower priority items, mountain biking, yoga etc, that we didn't get around to.  

Here is a list of how we spent our time.  I'm recording it here as a reference for myself and anyone else who may wish to travel to Banff!  

Saturday: depart Boston. Connect in Toronto.  Arrive Calgary.  Rent car, drive approx. 1.5 hours to Banff and stop for lunch in town.  Drive another 50 minutes to Lake Louise.  We went to Lake Moraine on our first day.  That is one of the "harder" lakes to visit because they have very small parking lots that fill up quickly and it's gorgeous and on most people's lists.  We visited at approximately 5pm on a drizzly early evening and we drove right in!   Pictures were as scenic as can be and the crowds weren't bad at all.  They close the road into the lake once the lot fills and we realized that the road was closed nearly every day after our visit!   My suggestion: take advantage of drizzly, rainy weather.  The lakes are still beautiful and the crowds really thin out!     After Lake Moraine, we checked in, had a light dinner and went to bed. 

Sunday: Hike Devil's Thumb via the Tea House and Big Beehive.   This was the longest hiking day we had (about 11 miles).   Most people who hike at Lake Louise hike to the Tea House (a historic and delicious!) lodge to have lunch, take a break and enjoy the views.   From there we continued on to Big Beehive, a moderately difficult, but no more difficult than the first half, hike with some of my favorite views.  We were feeling energetic and decided on a whim to continue to Devil's Thumb.  This one was significantly harder, very doable - some scrambling but not dangerous - but quite high.  The views were spectacular and I'm glad we pushed and I ventured a bit out of my comfort zone to complete that one! 

Monday: We gave our legs a break and drove to Jasper.  Jasper is about 3 hours from Lake Louise but it's a beautiful ride!  Watch out for tourists we just stop on the road to admire the views or spot wildlife... but other than that... the drive is spectacular.   In Jasper, we booked a boat cruise to the magnificent Spirit Island.  The only way to reach Spirit Island is by Kayak (about 8 hours) or these small tour boats.  They give good information about the area, great photo opportunities and the small boats keep them from feeling too "touristy".  Spirit Island is a must see, in my opinion. 

Tuesday: White Water Rafting with White Water Adventures.  Loved this trip!!  This was my third time rafting in the Northwest and each time seems more beautiful than the last.  For me, it's just the right mix of adrenaline and scenic beauty and the guides are always so well-traveled, warm and interesting.  We did the Traditional because it was the longest duration on the river and it mixed both their gentle and their harder courses.   The river was beautiful, the group was extremely organized and well-run and our guide James was an absolute blast.  Loved it!  

Wednesday: Athabasca Glacier Tour.  This was the most touristy thing we did on our trip and we hesitated about whether it was worthwhile, but in the end both agreed it was very cool.   The guides give a great lesson about the history, future and impacts of the glaciers and although very cold that day it was fun to get a chance to visit one.  I felt bad for the people who didn't come dressed in warm clothing, it was about 32 degrees with a harsh wind out there.  The buses with tires the size of me were also kind of fun!   Buy your tickets in advance as there is limited availability and people who didn't have tickets were being told the wait was about 6 hours!   We bought ours the day before and had no issue.  Also, by booking a morning tour, we had no trouble parking.  

Thursday: Hiking Mount Fairview.   We had given our legs ample rest time and heard from a few local sources (aka, the waiter and the retail manager at the onsite outdoor apparel store) that Mt. Fairview was not to be missed if we were willing to do a challenging hike.   It was a great hike.  We saw a total of about 25 people on the trail, in other words virtually desolate for a trail that began at Lake Louise, and the first 2000 feet was a moderate hike with spectacular views nearly the whole way.  The last 1000 feet was challenging, mostly vertical with very little rest, but the feeling of accomplishment was great and the panoramic views at the top were something I'll never forget.  You certainly feel the magic of the Canadian Rockies on this hike!!    Treat yourself to Fondue, in either the Wallister Stube at the Fairmont, or the Post Hotel down the road, and enjoy your guilt-free post hike gluttony!   Yumm! 

Friday: Spa Day!   We treated ourselves to massages, the hot tub and some low key shopping around and a nap on Friday.  Having done so much during the week, it was nice to have a day to just relax. 

Saturday: Back to reality.   1pm departures meant we had to leave mid-morning and get into Boston around 10pm.  A long day but my heart was so full from one of the most spectacular experiences of my life!!

(This post would be better with pics, I'll try to upload a few once I have more time) 

Banff Review - Fairmont Lake Louise

I have been back from Banff for a few days.  While getting back into the swing of reality, spending quality time with my little J after traveling without him for the week, and dealing with a few miscellaneous minor headaches...  I want to be sure to capture my recent trip to Banff National Park, truly the trip of a lifetime!

We arrived on Saturday, July 5 for a 7 night vacation.  It was wonderfully planned and I wouldn't change a thing!   I'll try to use a few blog posts to talk about parts of the trip.  To start, where we stayed.

We did something that I think is not traditional for visiting that area, which is to stay at the Fairmont Lake Louise for the entire duration of our trip.  The Fairmont can appear expensive, and as such many people either don't stay there when visiting the Lake or they stay for 1 or two nights and move onto Banff or Jasper.  I'd like to make the case for staying at the Fairmont for the duration of the trip: 

-- Lake Louise is centrally located in Banff National Park - it is about an hour drive to the town of Banff, a close drive (under an hour) to White Water Rafting and the Athabasca Glacier, and a full day (4 hour) but doable drive to Jasper.   By staying in one place, we could access all of the activities we wanted to enjoy without having to constantly be on the road. 

-- You can take advantage of some great deals offered by the Fairmont.  We got the "Buy 5 nights, get 2 free" + free parking ($30/day) + $350 resort credit (to be used for dining, spa or onsite shopping).   This took the average cost per day down substantially (more than 30%!).   Do the math for the whole trip before being scared off by the price per night.

-- The comforts of unpacking and staying put.  This trip required some extremes in packing - very cold weather gear, nice outfits for dinner, dirty clothes for hiking/rafting etc.  It was nice to be able to unpack and have things hung in the closet instead of always living out of a bag.

-- Getting to know the hotel well.  The Fairmont had about 7 restaurants on site.  It was nice to know which bar had the best evening view, who made the best espresso martini, where to get nachos after a hike, what time to go to the hot tub and which waiter gave the best hiking recommendations! :)

-- Being a guest at the Fairmont Lake Louise gives you the best access to the Lake.  Non-guests had a significantly smaller area to enjoy and couldn't dine at the restaurants on site.   The views in the restaurants were spectacular and the food was well above typical hotel dining.  Our wonderful hikes originated from the Lake so being guests there meant we didn't have to stress about arriving on time to secure parking etc. 

-- Banff isn't the most convenient destination (a flight into Calgary and a two hour drive) so it is unlikely it will become a place we visit very often.  That said, we took the opportunity to splurge a bit and really soak up the whole experience.  If you have the means, stay at the Fairmont.  I'd rather cut back on dining or spa or even be more frugal at home for a few months, so that I could travel this way again.

The reason that I said I think it's an untraditional way to explore the area is we didn't see many of the same faces night after night and the servers and people we met at the hotel seemed shocked to hear we were staying so long.   This post is my pitch for doing it this way... I wouldn't think twice! 

View from the room.  Every morning the views changed depending on the skies - sunny, overcast etc. We had simple coffee and yogurt from the deli and ate it in our room.  This was a magical way to start the day and cost less than $15.  Being eye-level with the clouds was unforgettable!  

The Fairview Dining Room was a great spot for dinner with the best views.  But don't miss their bar area.  We almost always had a window seat overlooking the lake and the espresso martini was 5*! 

Camp Connelly

Our dear friends invited us to spend the weekend at their lakefront cottage in Falmouth, ME.   J ran with bare feet for nearly the entire weekend - in and out of the water, climbing up rocks, making "animal soup", roasting marshmellows and playing Ninjago's with his friends (one new and one old).  The adults BBQ'd, sat on the dock, laid on the sleeping porch - a screened in porch with an exceptionally comfortable twin bed just right for a middle of the day rest...life goal! , played board games, sat by the fire and commented on how wonderful life really is. 

Summer 2019, the magic has begun.....

Huttopia

If I'm being perfectly honest, we stumbled upon Huttopia when I accidentally made a reservation somewhere else for the wrong date and we found ourselves already in NH!   Thank God for phones and internet, we were able to find a vacancy at Huttopia and went there on a whim.

It was a fantastic "glamping" experience in the White Mountains.  It was just S and I but I plan to go back with J in tow as it looked like a wonderful place for families, too.   Our lakeside hut was well equipped with a comfortable bed, small bathroom, mini fridge, pots and pans, a deck, a firepit, etc.  All the necessities for a proper camp outing without having too lug too much or sleep on the ground.

On Saturday, we canoed on a pristine White Mountain lake and heated our BBQ over the fire and on Sunday we hiked Piper Loop.  It was a great trip and I look forward to returning!

“Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountains is going home; that wildness is a necessity” - John Muir   

Elizabeth Gilbert - Live @ Memorial Church

Last night I had the pleasure to see one of my favorite author's, often quoted throughout this blog, speak live.  She was touring her new book and gave us a bit of an overview on how the book came to be as well as read the first chapter aloud.   After that she answered questions from the audience for about an hour.  I was so impressed with her wit, her articulation, her thoughtfulness and her humble attitude.  Like me, she's a devout believer in something bigger than this human experience.  She did not insist but was steadfast in her faith. 

She had a lot of brilliant things to say including the importance of her eccentric 4th grade teacher, her fond childhood memories of her family's roaring holiday conversations (do we censor what kids hear more than we should?) a dollhouse that kept her and her sister occupied for years, reminding me of my Fisher Price people.  But my favorite anecdote was what she had to say about grief.  She lost her partner to pancreatic cancer and she has publicly shared the grief that engulfed her.  As a practice, she reads the Book of Job in the Bible nearly every morning.  I'm not much a student of the Bible but I appreciated this story.  In the Old Testament Job questions God, does not understand suffering, wants an explanation...  God responds, "Where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth?  ....Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place.."  on and on it goes.   The parable is a humbling reminder of our smallness and humility.   Surrendering to the mystery is one of my most dear spiritual practices.

I was lucky enough to spend it with great company; which multiplies the joy of an already wonderful life affirming evening. 

  

A friend

I've been blessed with some truly amazing friendships in my life.  I am friends with many people that I met in first grade, when I look at J it is amazing to me that so many of my lifelong friendships have been going since his age!   We have gone through so many life changes together - growing up, going away to college, marriages, jobs, illness, divorces, children of our own.  My friends are genuine and they are as imperfect as I am but over the past few years when the rollercoaster of life began to truly wobble, I have been comforted by the truth, loyalty and sincerity that sustains these relationships.

When my dad passed away, one of my dearest friends, Sarah - I'm waving to you!!, flew from California to Boston to be with me for the services and the weekend.  In the days leading up to the funeral, another friend mentioned that she was coming in.  I said - no, no! that is really not necessary!- and we looked at each other and knowingly said, "but of course she's coming."  Not only was she at the wake and funeral, but the night of the funeral I was able to spend time at a friend's house drinking wine, in our sweats, in grief but surrounded by love and comfort. I couldn't have asked for a better place to be that night.

Sarah has one of the hugest hearts of any person that I know.   To know her is to love her.  She would give anything for her friends, her family or really - anybody who needed her.  She is the most steadfast and loyal friend imaginable and I trust her with every ounce of who I am.  ....we also have had some of the most fun and funniest memories over the years!    Sarah's journey hasn't been simple - she lost her own father 15 years ago, she defeated cancer and has managed a cross-country relocation.   If these years have taught me anything it's that sometimes we need to face the hardships of life to understand our potential, our strength and the depths of relationships that surround us.  Through divorce and now death, I have been the lucky recipient of Sarah's greatness.   Sometimes we are sent special angels and they love us unconditionally through life.   We are given the privilege and honor of loving them, too.

A case for water drinking

Every exercise plan includes "drink water".   Historically, never my strength maybe this scientific argument will be the reminder I need:

After drinking approximately 17 ounces of water, the subjects' metabolic rates -- or the rate at which calories are burned -- increased by 30% for both men and women. The increases occurred within 10 minutes of water consumption and reached a maximum after about 30 to 40 minutes.

The study also showed that the increase in metabolic rate differed in men and women. In men, burning more fat fueled the increase in metabolism, whereas in women, an increased breakdown of carbohydrates caused the increase in metabolism seen.

The researchers estimate that over the course of a year, a person who increases his water consumption by 1.5 liters a day would burn an extra 17,400 calories, for a weight loss of approximately five pounds. They note that up to 40% of the increase in calorie burning is caused by the body's attempt to heat the ingested water. The findings are reported in the December issue of The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism.

Kindergarten Graduation

That's a wrap, my little Joe!   You finished Kindergarten last week!    You had a fantastic year - you learned to write so well and started doing math and made lots of nice friends.   Best of all, your teacher gave you an award for "best attitude".   Nothing is more important that that and I couldn't be more proud of my happy, kind, joyous little boy!

We had so much fun celebrating you all week and now we look forward to another fun summer!  Time is going fast but we're enjoying it all.   There's nobody I'd rather be on this ride with than you - I am the proudest mama!!!

Last year you were nervous for your performance.  This year, pure excitement! 

We're off to 1st GRADE!!!!

Wonderful Mrs. Mayo

Idol

My dad idolized Warren Buffet.   I believe he first started following him in the early 80's - when my brother's baseball team traveled to the Little League World Series in 1986 he was recommending all the parents invest in Berkshire Hathaway.  One did, a dentist from town, needless to say - he's made more from that decision than an entire lifetime of dentistry!

My dad traveled to Omaha, NE often for the annual meetings.  Over time, as Buffet's popularity rose the Annual Meetings grew from intimate conversations to 20,000+ people conventions all the while, my dad - a small business owner from a humble family - felt no hesitation in his attendance at those meetings.  There were a million reasons one could have to not go, but he didn't let that stop him.  He went - 1) because he loved his investing advice 2) because he wanted to go.  A lesson from my dad - be unapologetically yourself.  You have every right and every reason to live your life as you'd like to live it.   My dad, despite a list full of handicaps, exuded confidence.  Not because he was arrogant or boastful, but because he was sure of himself.  He was well read and articulate and although mostly self taught, he was a lifelong learner.   Curious and insatiable, a beautiful mind.

        Once quoted and indexed by a biographer writing about Warren Buffett.   Not bad, dad! :) 

In the hospital

When my dad passed away, we were in Florida.  My mom, my sister, her husband, my father's sister,  Joseph and my nieces.  It was truly amazing that we were all there as we're hardly ever all together.  We arrived at the hospital around noon on Friday and he passed around 7pm on Saturday night.  I won't forget those days.  To write them now and realize that it was less than 48 hours seems impossible.  They were so deeply intense.  The unknowing.  All of us being in an unfamiliar place (Del Ray Beach, Florida).  The kids who did so well in such an odd setting.  How would we tell them?  What would they understand?    I had never witnessed a death before.  It was peaceful.  I'm so grateful that we were all together.  I'm so happy he was surrounded by such love. 

One thing that I hope always stays with me but I'm writing it here as many people have encouraged me to record memories so they are not forgotten is when my aunt, his sister, said "Your dad could love like the Lord himself".   Her words stopped me.  I have not forgotten them.   What did it mean, I have thought to myself.   I believe it meant that he could love strongly, boldly, unconditionally.   He didn't need approval, he didn't demand his agenda be met, he didn't give to receive.   At his best, my father could love like God himself.  Protective, warm, safe. 

I feel engulfed by his love since the day he passed away.  It is a sensation that is equally impossible to describe and undeniable.   His love, God's love, the universe, the One, the eternal....  Somewhere, somehow there has been goodness all encompassing since he left this mortal earth. 

I still find myself listening to music from my childhood masses.  It comforts me.  And makes me feel like he's by my side.  Prayer, I suppose.   The special language that has come to me since his death that makes me feel immediately close to him.   Missing you, dad. 

[Chorus]
Yahweh, I know you are near
Standing always at my side
You guard me from the foe
And you lead me in ways everlasting

Lord, you have searched my heart
And you know when I sit and when I stand
Your hand is upon me
Protecting me from death
Keeping me from harm

Where can I run from your love?
If I climb to the heavens you are there
If I fly to the sunrise
Or sail beyond the sea
Still I’d find you there

Marvelous to me are your works
How profound are your thoughts, my Lord
Even if I could count them
They number as the stars
You would still be there

Wicked

Fifteen years after it's original debut, we finally made it to Wicked on Broadway this weekend.  It was a spectacular show and no surprise why it was such a hit and why it continues such a strong run.   With seats in the front and center orchestra, we were treated to a spectacular show and as with so many theater productions the ending left me a little teary eyed and overwhelmingly glad to have had the opportunity to witness such brilliance.

An excerpt from the final song, "For Good":

I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you...   

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good.

NYC, always

Returning home from a perfect weekend in NYC to celebrate S's birthday!   The first time we went together was to celebrate mine and we try to return a few times a year.  New York only grows on me as I get older and I would welcome an opportunity to live there at some point on my journey.  The hustle and vibrancy of NYC fills me with hope and energy.

On this trip we stayed at the Edition in Times Square. It's a new hotel and I must say - it was exquisite.  Not only was the ultra sleek room with a terrace and unbelievable views dream-worthy but every single staff member we met - from the valet, to the front desk, the room service and the servers - were so friendly and accommodating.  I'll recap a bit more of the trip when I have more time but for now my heart and soul are so full of gratitude for the amazing life I'm having the opportunity to live.  My good fortune is not lost on me for even a waking moment... 

 

Vertical Garden

Found in Paris, created by botanist Patrick Blanc, makes me wonder what else might the future hold. 

Kindness

My dad loved the casino.  Craps was his game of choice and he would take the ride to Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods once or twice a week.  Sometimes my mom would join, sometimes he was just passing the time, sometimes, undoubtedly, he was looking for a bit of a gamblers high.  But what he loved most was winning small - $100 or $200 and he was done.  He recorded all of his visits and his wins and losses on handwritten legal pads.  He liked to feel like he was in a battle with the casino and the reason he most liked to win was to give away that little bit of pocket money.   

Over the weekend, I stopped into the local Dunkin Donuts to grab an ice coffee before our trip to the zoo.  A gentle older man was chitchatting - asking about where I was from etc.  He said he had plans to mow a few lawns that day.  I don't know more about him than that but I bought his coffee and donut.  Just a small act of shared humanity - saying to someone, I see you.  Maybe this brightens your day. The world is a good place.   My parents raised me well.   

It's small acts that make my dad live eternally in my heart.  I feel his presence so definitively that sometimes it's strange.  I am more certain than anything that he is not gone.  He lives through us all and it's an honor and privilege to carry forward his kindness.  

The weekend

We took our first trip to the Southwick Zoo - a fantastic spot with lots of cool animals in a well kept natural setting.   Because it was a long weekend, we stayed over at a Marriott not far from the zoo so you could have the chance to do some swimming - which you love!   You swam at night and we ate dinner on the patio by the pool and in the morning you swam again.   We returned home to two fun filled days with our Linea neighbors - we crammed 5 of you into your bedroom for some lego building, you all did a "carwash" of the toy vehicles and you made "animal soup" - filled with mud, flowers, dirt and more mud. 

All in all it was a perfect Memorial Day Weekend.  We started this week with a sort of "summertime" tiredness and a messy house.   If a good life is a collection of happy moments, this weekend we certainly added those to our account. 

Wednesday

I used to read a lot of blogs but these days I only frequent two - Cup of Jo and SwissMiss.  Today on Cup of Jo, she asks readers what makes you come alive?   and ends with these words from wonderful Mary Oliver: 

“Instructions for living a life.

Pay attention.

Be astonished.

Tell about it.”

It's a great prompt for a beautiful Wednesday morning.    A few things off the top of my head: 

- low humidity 70 degree days

- feeling understood 

- ice cream 

- a tranquil lake
- unexplored bookstores

- having a trip planned

- learning something new 

- helping someone in need
- clean sheets
- a redemption story
- listening to a good interview
- J's cuddles and wonderful observations of the world around him (the other day as we were heading to school he said, "mama, i love when the birds are singing")

(on that note: a trip to Banff is booked for early July.  Yippee!) 

Southern Maine weekend

I've been a fan of southern Maine for a long time.  The rocky coast line, charming towns and good dining options.  This weekend we explored Cape Elizabeth, Portland, and Ogunquit - stopping into the Ogunquit Art Museum for the first time, looking at real estate just for fun and lots of walking, talking and people watching.   The weather was beautiful, the sea was beautiful and the weekend was fantastic.

“I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority.” - E.B. White, Charlotte Web author and Maine resident and admirer.