Puzzling

On our trip to Colorado, I finally got around to buying and completing a jigsaw puzzle.  Something about summer time makes "puzzling" feel so right.  I took a few hours of one day to work on it and then the adults leisurely chipped away at it while we enjoyed Breckenridge.  No phones, easy conversation, just the right concentration - totally satisfying!!! 

Note to self: do more.

Today

Today I'm missing my dad.   He would have been excited to see me last night and here the stories from my trip Colorado!    But I received a thank you note from a cousin with a nice reminder of how much I remind her of him ;)   A huge compliment!! 

So, on this day - I sit with a bit of sadness, I smile at how lucky I was, and I try to remember that he is with me.   By being the things we loved most about those that are gone, we honor their legacy.

Dad:  may I have your enthusiasm, your generosity, your ability to listen to my son's stories with the same eagerness, curiosity and genuine interest.  May the people around me have no doubt of my love.  I never doubted your love and recognize now what an eternal gift that was.  Missing you... 

Colorado

Returning from a fantastic week away in Colorado.   J, S and I visited my dear college roommate and her family.  We spent time in Breckenridge for a few days and her Denver neighborhood for a few days.   The boys played great: they hiked, they did Alpine Slides and Mountain rollercoasters, we found a restaurant with a basement arcade and overall just enjoyed the fresh air and time together.  The adults did virtually the same.  A no-rush pace with plenty of time for wine, beer, good food, fresh air and time together.

Colorado was stunningly beautiful and the weather was nearly perfect.  It was a perfect conclusion to a joy filled summer.   Cheers to a season of connection, travel, adventure and goodness. 

Career Advice via Duck Tales

The other day J told me he wanted to be rich.  With a little bit of probing, I realized the origins of his statement was an episode of Duck Tales featuring Huey, Dewey and Louie's billionaire uncle....   reminding me that many times a kid's question or comment is not quite as complicated as adults may mistakenly conclude. 

I am conscious of the role money plays in my job as a parent.  I work full time in a job that I enjoy and although there are days that I'm tired, I try not to complain about work and I'm aware that it is the subtle vibrations which influence kids the most.  Work is not a chore nor something I wish I could "get out of" - work is a part of who I am and a part of our life, the same way school and camp is a non-negotiable part of J's life.  By taking the "choice" out of it, I hope I am framing work, school, camp - not as a burden - but as a fulfilling though at times stressful part of life. 

I think a lot about "career advice" I might give my son as he grows.  Sure, he's 6 now so the message is pretty simple - try your best, be kind to others - but as he grows it will be more complicated.  Do I encourage him to find and follow his passion?  I think that works but I've also seen it fail.  A hobby is sometimes better left as a hobby and allow your job to sustain your family.   Follow the money.  Like following your passion, I've seen that work and I've also seen it fail.  For me, working on goals that gave me no personal satisfaction and only generous paychecks felt empty and dull. 

A few mornings later, J said "Uncle Scrooge said you shouldn't try to be rich.  You should find a problem that people have and try to solve it for them.   If you do that, you'll have more than enough."   As someone who thinks a lot about careers and personal development, it was one of the best bits of advice I'd heard and totally satisfied how I wanted to think about the topic with my 6 year old.    Thanks Duck Tales!

And Jerry Colonna from a recent interview OnBeing:
There are times in which those who have power need to speak with authority. But too often, we mistake and conflate that action for the day-to-day “directing” of people’s lives. And I think that leadership is much more subtle, much harder, and ultimately, more life-giving, more fulfilling. And that is, the leader’s role isn’t to be the authoritative figure telling everybody what to do and how to do it, but to be the model for creating a container in which their best possible work can get done and to perhaps remove obstacles from the paths that are in front of their colleagues so that they can then grow into their best possible selves. That feels very strong, very firm, and not particularly authoritarian.

Lillian

My Nana, Lillian Cassidy, was a sweet and modest lady.  Born to Irish immigrants, Annie and Michael Geagan, she was one of 7 children (6 girls and a boy) in Charlestown, MA.  Their family struggled with money through the great depression and her father had a violent temper and a drinking problem which made it difficult to find steady work.   She told the story several times of walking with her mother and one of her sisters to their landlords house in Boston's North End.  Their landlord, an Italian woman with Polio, could not get downstairs in her apartment because of her disease and would send down her niece to collect.  If the Geagan's did not have the rent that month or asked for an extension, the woman would forgive them.  She knew how hard life was for them.   When she died, she told her niece who inherited the property to never evict the Geagan family.  My grandmother and her sisters never forgot this woman's generosity.  Without it, the future of their family would have been severely jeopardized.  Although they never had much money, they repayed this woman with the best currency they had, their utmost faith.  After she died, my grandmother and her sisters attended more than 50 memorial masses to pray for their Italian landlord.  A remarkable story and testament of their loyalty and faith. 

My grandmother died peacefully at age 90.  She still lived at home. She had outlived one of her own children and lived long enough to know her seven grandchildren and three great grandchildren.  She was a woman who delighted in the simple pleasures of life - sitting on the porch on a nice evening, a cup of tea with her sisters, a game of bingo.  She was always so grateful for a visit and always had a smile for us.  Never one of too many words, she was a woman of devout faith.  Most of her explanations for things circled back to her Catholic roots - God has a plan, We will have our reward in Heaven etc.

She belonged to St. Joseph Parish  for most of her life, sending her 4 kids to the parish school.  It is the same one J attends now.  Sometimes I feel her warm smile when we sit in those pews. 

Last week my dear childhood friend asked me to be her daughter's Godmother.  I am touched and honored that my friend considered me for this special privilege.  The baby's name is Lillian ~




(photo of Cork Ireland, birthplace of my Geagan great grandparents)

Glamping and Gratitude

This weekend we took J on his first glamping trip to Huttopia in NH's white mountains.  It was near perfection.  The weather was gorgeous - mid-80's with little humidity made the sun warm and the shade just right for reading and naps. My little fish swam in the pool and the lake for hours each day, ran around the woods, made new friends, played cards and Guess Who, roasted marshmallows, lit sparklers and enjoyed camp fire stories. 

A few times during the trip he exclaimed, "this is awesome, I never want to forget this!"  and "One day, I'm going to make a time machine and come back to right now!!!"  As a mother, this made my heart burst.  Of course, nothing makes us happier than knowing our children are happy and that is why I try to make sure J has a grateful spirit.  As Brene Brown says, there is no joy without gratitude.  It's a practice but a fundamental part of our lives.  I'm conscious to verbalize moments of gratitude big and small with Joe and at night before bed we both say "our thank you's" - part of our prayers to thank God for the great life we've been blessed to have. 

And because love isn't only saying I Love You but action, consistent and reliable, I even swam in the icy cold pool!  My little angel.  I am so very grateful for YOU. 

What I'm Reading: Inheritance

This book is a bit special to me because seeing Dani at a book reading when this was released was a moment of happiness and a night I will always remember.  To have a partner who shares your interests and is happy and willing to go to the basement of a Brookline bookstore on a rainy night is a joy I longed for and have since received.

I also remember telling my dad about the book reading.  He loved to read and loved to watch authors on Charlie Rose.  When I told him about this he was so proud - I can see his lit up smile, his thinking, "that's my girl!"   He was so proud of me and amused by my Cambridge life and the way I was filling my free time.  Our interests so very much aligned! 

And how fitting that the book closes with a passage about her deceased father.  She's missing him - like we all do - and yet, her devout faith, in her case Judaism, in mine, Catholicism, grounds her.  She reflects, "there has rarely been a time during which I have not felt his presence and his absence.  I silently call to him, hineni, a Hebrew word.  Here I am."

Aside from the relationship with her father, Inheritance prompts reflection on themes of identity, purpose and ethics.  What is family and how is it defined.   Personally, I'm a disciple of Elizabeth Lessor on this question: "the problem with family is that we draw our circle too small."   Those I love are my family, some share my genes and some share pieces of my heart.