Fiddler on the Roof

We saw Broadway in Boston's production of Fiddler on the Roof last night and it was fantastic!   My dad loved the musical and we grew up with him singing many of the classic hits:  Tradition! Matchmaker..., If I were a rich man....Sunrise, Sunset

The singing, dancing and acting was phenomenal and I smiled through it all - enjoying both the performers and my warm memories of my eclectic father.

A fiddler on the roof. Sounds crazy, no? But here, in our little village of Anatevka, you might say every one of us is a fiddler on the roof trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune without breaking his neck. It isn't easy. You may ask, why do we stay up there if it's so dangerous? Well, we stay because Anatevka is our home. And how do we keep our balance? That I can tell you in one word: Tradition!

What I read: City of Girls

Catching up on a few overdue posts on what I've read lately.   City of Girls, by Elizabeth Gilbert, was a light-hearted read about an independent young woman in the 1940's trying to be live authentically in New York City. 

It was a little long-winded and I can't say I would recommend the read, that said it had some good lines and I think the message of the book was really summed up with this line:

"at some point in a woman's life, she just gets tired of being ashamed all the time.  After that, she is free to become whoever she truly is." 

Sunday hike

Spent yesterday in the Blue Hills, just south of Boston, enjoying a mid-afternoon day hike.  The temps have been unseasonably warm for February - it was nice to feel the sun on our face, the damp mud under our feet and navigate the ups and downs of the New England terrain.

And stopping into a brewery is my favorite post-hike tradition.   No need to overthink what feels good.

What I read: Maybe you should talk to someone

Maybe you should talk to someone, by Lori Gottlieb.   Written by a therapist, she intertwines stories of being the therapist and being the patient in an interesting book exploring some of the challenges of life.  Unsurprisingly, the challenges people face tend to be universal to the human condition, regardless of how they manifest:  does your life have meaning? are you able to be completely vulnerable with those that love you? what is forgiveness? 

At times the book felt self-indulgent and I wished that she would care a little less about herself, but all together a good and recommend-able read. 

“But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself—to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life.”

“peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”

“The inability to say no is largely about approval-seeking—people imagine that if they say no, they won’t be loved by others. The inability to say yes, however—to intimacy, a job opportunity, an alcohol program—is more about lack of trust in oneself. Will I mess this up? Will this turn out badly? Isn’t it safer to stay where I am?”

I want to go to this place...

Book marking here for future reference - great spots in the Catskills and Berkshires! 

https://thereset.club/

13 Questions on Love

How many yes's do you get? 

1. You still countdown until your time together

2. Your partner makes you feel safe and comfortable being who you are

3. When you're not together you still have a million things to say or text! 

4. Life has a future and a present. 

5. You're a better person because of the love in your partnership

6. Your partner pushes you to grow

7. You've gotten really good at handling your problems together

8. You've been together for awhile. 

9. You're together for the right reasons despite societal impact or pressure. 

10. You still want to date each other

11. You respect your partner's space but get inside it whenever you want

12. Your partner is loyal and faithful despite ups and downs of the relationship and life's temptations.

13. You cannot conceive a time without the other 

A message to my younger self: let love surprise you.  be receptive and vulnerable.  but listen well and respect yourself.  A healthy love withstands many storms, loses some battles but is our greatest gift.  Do the hard work, it's worth it.  

Jeff Brown

To arrive at this place in my life, I had to overcome so very much. I had to overcome emotionally unwell parents, crippling abandonment issues, childhood poverty, internalized shame and self-doubt. I had to punch my way through endless challenges as I worked to become a lawyer, to let go of law, to surrender to writing as a path. I had to knock on hundreds of thousands of doors in Canadian winters to sell windows so I could afford to write through the night. I had to fight for my right to the light, time and time again, for more than 5 decades.

When people ask me how and why I did it, I only have one answer- Soul. Not masochism, not the need to be acknowledged but, instead, the deep need to fully excavate and actualize my soul’s voice- my reasons for being, my entelechy, what James Hillman called the ‘innate image’. It was like a desperate longing to be who I was called to become in this lifetime. And as difficult as it was to find and live that voice, it was easier than the uncomfortable alternative. It was easier than living a lie.

Wherever you are at on your journey through time, be assured that there is a soul path somewhere at the heart of it. And, as difficult as it may be to see it, as overwhelming as it may seem to embody it, it is well worth the effort. Once you catch a glimpse of it, it will beckon you home, like a fire of divine possibility with your name on it. And that fire… will not only show you the direction to walk, it will fuel you as you overcome the obstacles in the way. It will warm and inspire your every step.

When you walk through the gateway of your sacred purpose, you walk into yourself. Blessingly buffered from the madness of the world, your purpose filters out those relationships and energies that undermine your expansion. Infused with vitality and a clarified focus, new pathways of possibility appear where before there were obstacles. Life still has its challenges, but you interface with them differently, coated in an authenticity of purpose that sees through the veils to what really matters.

Don’t lose the faith, wherever you are on the path. Keep going.

Jeff Brown, author.  

Notchland Inn

Set in the snowy White Mountains of New Hampshire, we found ourselves at the quaint Notchland Inn over the weekend.   I was looking forward to a winter getaway but I really underestimated how beautiful it would be.   The Inn had just the right amount of rustic charm, hospitality and authenticity.  The owners, Les and Ed, were two men who have owned the Inn for 26 years, celebrated 40+ years of being a couple and beyond being Inn keepers, were quite involved in local politics.  We learned about the "midnight vote" and local civics as well as some of the changing pressures facing the community - the effect of airbnb, not only on inns and hotels but on staff housing.  How online booking has changed the economics (note: always book direct!) and more.   We also relaxed by the fire, snowshoed with one of the Inn's dogs, played scrabble, ate well and enjoyed life.

I'll certainly return to the Notchland Inn and consider other properties from Select Registry the next time I'm looking to get away.

Mermaids on a Mission to Save the Oceans

I received Mermaids on a Mission to Save the Oceans as part of MultiCultural Children's Book Day, a movement to bring multicultural children's books to classrooms and libraries.   As a volunteer reviewer, my thoughts are my own but this e-book was donated to me by the author, Janet Balletta.

I enjoyed the children's story and the diversity of the Mermaid council.   Each Mermaid represented a continent and explored some of the unique challenges its oceans are facing.  Within the context of the story, there are many examples of current issues - oil spills, plastic in the water, pollution making the fish we eat sick, melting glaciers etc.   The mermaids are presented a medal of Excellence for the job they're doing to protect the oceans in a story that encourages children to be advocates for the Earth.
I enjoyed the story and thought the teacher's guide at the end provided some insightful questions for children to discuss the book.   I would recommend the story; especially in conjunction with Earth Day or an elementary science lesson.

Simple and true

"You are being presented with two choices: evolve or repeat."  Tracy McMillan

Dad-isms

My dad was a one-of-a-kind, original character in so many senses of the word.  He really marched to his own beat and was very secure.  He was flawed and suffered mental health problems but he did his very best to manage them and I miss him and think about him all the time.

This morning I was texting with my sister a bit and it's impossible not to share some dad stories or "what dad might say".  He was never shy to share his opinions which left us with an ever-lasting benefit, we never have to wonder what Dad thought....

We were chuckling about all the funny things he'd say but truth be told, he had fantastic insight and could get to the root of a problem pretty quickly.   I was laughing as I remembered one phone call with him when he was in Florida a few years ago... in his typical way he'd call "Little Mare (insert Boston accent), how you be!  (he would say these funny expressions.... i don't know where he picked them up or if he made them up... :)   I'm good dad, how are you?   "I'm great.  Just hanging out with my favorite person, myself!!!"    He said it as a joke but there was a lot of truth in there.  He was very sure of himself and could tolerate a low-key life.  He loved interviews on TV and was a voracious reader.   He had a sincere natural curiosity about people and the world around him. He always had yellow legal pads around the house.  His handwriting was so unusual and he attributed it to being left handed but forced to write right-handed by the nuns...   Anyways, this pad had pages of notes from a tv show he was watching with "Wow!" "Amazing!" scribbled in the margins.

Right now I'm grateful I inherited his memory.  I can recall the details of his voice and his energy with precision and I hope that never changes.   ...and I have to say when I call "Little Joe" from across the apartment, I know exactly who I sound like.... 

Anecdote

Many of the lessons I comprehend best, have a small story attached to them.  Parables, were short and simple stories to teach moral or spiritual lessons.  Anecdotes are short stories meant to amuse, disclose the truth or provide a cautionary tale. 

I'm paraphrasing this one from the WSJ, but I thought it was a worthy reminder:

Students at Oxford University protested in the Quad, refusing to leave until the endowment divested all of it's shares in Shell and BP, and now.  The bursar made a counter offer: "I am not able to arrange any divestment at such short notice but I can arrange for gas central heating to be turned off with immediate effect.  Please let me know if you support this proposal."

The angry students thought the bursar was being flippant. It's January, it would be borderline dangerous to shut off central heating."  The bursar's response: "you're right, I am being provocative but I am provoking some clear thinking, I hope.  It is all too easy to request others to do things that carry no personal cost to yourself.  The question is whether you and others are prepared to make personal sacrifices to achieve the goals of environmental improvement (which I support as a goal)."

Raclette

Last night we took advantage of our neighbor's from Switzerland's invitation to join them for Raclette, a traditional Swiss dish.

We talked about all the weekend exploring they've done since they moved here - coastal towns (Cape Cod, Ogunquit, Newport...)  lakes and mountains (VT., the White Mountains) and major cities (NYC, Montreal...) and how much they've enjoyed their time here.

It was a nice reminder of how good we have it!   Not just in where we live but that we've found a community of inclusive and interesting families, a true neighborhood within the small city of Cambridge.   And the warm melted cheese over potatoes, welcome to my life, Raclette!