Travel:
I started the year with a trip to San Francisco and spent my birthday in NYC. In September, it was Oregon, the Northwest being a favorite destination of mine. It was my first time white water rafting. The Salmon River and my childhood girlfriends were the perfect companions. We laughed, we paddled, we each took a little something from the day on the water that I don't think we'll forget. There was also a first visit to Key West, a girls weekend in Las Vegas, a weekend of freedom in Washington DC and some local New England explorations.
I spent many summer weekends sailing and had my first overnights at a few New England harbors: Gloucester, Rockport, Marblehead, and Plymouth. I learned the magic of "cruising" - arriving to a place by sea, exploring a new restaurant by dingy, returning to your little "home" at its mooring. There are sunsets, sunrises and a pace of time that is otherwise hard to describe.
Life:
As I mentioned earlier, I divorced in 2017. I am not ashamed of my divorce. My relationship was in no way a failure. My ex and I were together for 15 years. Our love was real and our beautiful son was born as a result of that love. However, the relationship had died. At 36 and 41, we gave each other the gift of letting go. It was not easy but it was right. We did not want years of resentment and lives un-lived to become what our new normal. We wanted to teach J true bravery and strength. Our relationship was bold since the day we met. We both live with our hearts forward and take chances. We accomplished many of the things that we wanted to achieve together. We walked away ahead. We cashed out with chips on the table. This was critical because we continue to be a family - we raise J together, we navigated the legalities and separation of assets, there is still paperwork and untangling to do. I am extremely proud of the way we divorced and am certain that it has created a foundation for us to build the next chapter of our family together.
I also sold my house in the suburbs and found an apartment in the city to live in this year. This is my first time living alone and while it took some getting used to, I have grown to really enjoy it. There are moments now when I feel true peace in my quiet home. I also have made new friends in our building and city life. I have learned that I enjoy the dynamics of the city more than the suburbs. Having spent my childhood in a rather traditional suburban life, there are days that the unfamiliarity feels daunting. I don't have a model of a divorced working woman in the city raising a son however I'm learning to chart my own course.
Art:
Sleep No More, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, The Moth, Out of the Mouth of Babes, The Nutcracker (Classic and Urban) and finishing the year with a comedian - no doubt an art form.
Work:
I was inching my way toward this change since leaving finance in 2014 and last year I officially shed my old title and job for something new. There is a lot to learn but I am committed to achieving a more engaged role and I think I have found a firm where that is possible. Continued professional growth is a major goal of 2018.
Parenting:
I chronicle many of the things J and I do together on this space. But as my boy begins his 5th year, I can say with certainty that I am proud of the mother that I am and so proud of the boy we are raising. We do plenty of fun things, combined with the mundane, and he's a happy, imaginative boy who brings joy to so many. I am certain that he feels loved and safe.
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This Christmas a special friend gave me Oprah's What I Know For Sure. Reading it this week has prompted me to think about what I know for sure. I think I will close out 2017 with a reflection of what I know to be true. First my own words then a perennial favorite:
In my own words, I know that I can do hard things. I know that life can be very different than what you imagined it to be and yet still be beautiful and hopeful and filled with magic. I know how important it is to let go with peace and move forward into the light of your next chapter.
In Blackwater Woods
by Mary Oliver
Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars
of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,
the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders
of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is
nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned
in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side
is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
